Hello, my name is Barry and I'm an addict

The past year has been kind of stressful for a number of reasons: new job, new city, new house, new mortgage (I don't like debt), and the death of a child. Throw in a mid-life crisis and you have a recipe for disaster.

How does one cope? In our over-medicated society there are so many options. I talked to one friend that was on three anti-depressants - full dose. Very tempting, but he has a lot of medical problems that (he says) are unrelated to his drug addiction. I was skeptical. I had to find another path.

The path to addiction was only three stories below my office.

For the longest time, I just "didn't get" the whole Starbucks thing (what are those people thinking!?), but this past year I tried a cup. It was so convenient - just three stories down. It was great exercise to walk down the stairs, get a cup of coffee, and walk back up. How invigorating! How convenient (and how socially acceptable!).

In the past I have been a Sunday-only drinker. I had to have my cup of java as a part of my Sunday morning ritual. I was very cranky and not a very good worshiper in church if I was denied. Any other day of the week, my old standby - sweet tea - was sufficient.

Recently though, my Starbucks exercise program had become more and more expensive. I had been exercising twice a day some days - but only walking down. Now that I had graduated from "venti" to "grande" to "tall", I did not want to spill a single precious drop on the way up. The elevator was the only safe alternative.

All of this Starbucks was in addition to the large big gulp sweet tea (with a refill) that I would have with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack.

I have never been to an AA meeting, but I came to see my real self in the past few weeks and, as they always say on TV, "My name is Barry and I am an addict."

My doctor told me about a year ago that my sweet tea habit was the source of all my (minor) medical problems. I cut the sugar for a while and all my problems cleared up, but I never cut the caffeine. Over the course of the year, I have phased back in the sweet tea, and some of my old friends have returned to haunt (or itch) me again.

It is time for a change. I am a caffeine/sugar addict. I don't know which is worse. They are both killers. You can read for yourself the ill effects of either drug. Both are poisons to the system. I know that. I want my poison. I am an addict.

Here is a picture of two spider webs. The top one is the drug free spider. The bottom one is hyped up on caffeine. The bottom web looks like my life. I want my life to be orderly like the top web.



So....

This week my family is in Destin, FL for a little rest and relaxation.

I am in Destin to detox.

Day 0: Leave home.
Last huge glass of sweet tea - for the road.
No sugar or caffeine the rest of the day.
Mild headaches late afternoon, early evening.


Day 1: No sugar no caffeine
Sleep until 10:00
I am violently ill.
Much diarrhea and vomiting.
Unbelievable headaches.
Mental fog.
Head feels like it weighs a hundred pounds.
Watch "Hanna Montana" for the first time.

Day 2:
sleep until 11:00
just vomiting (this may have been exasperated by the deep sea fishing trip)
still in a mental fog - very disoriented on the whole trip - zero fish caught.
go to sleep on boat
go to condo
go back to sleep
play
second episode of "Hanna Montana." Ok.. I get it... its a cute show. Two episodes down and nothing too objectionable.

Day 3:
sleep until lunch
feeling OK
must go back to sleep.
I cheat: a shot glass full of sweet tea - OH the ecstasy!!
nap
I take the family out for ice cream - I have to get a single scoop my self - not nearly the same ecstatic pleasure as the shot of tea.
"Phineas and Ferb" is hilarious.

Day 4:
sleep until lunch
feeling good, but foggy and sleepy.
another shot glass of sweet tea - THIS must be what Heaven must be like! So incredible.
nap
play - get stung by a school of jelly fish, but I am feeling no pain....
nap
Still loving "Phineas and Ferb"

Day 5:
Get up around 8:30
feeling good except that my head feels kind of floaty and full
Water is starting to actually taste good.
Cravings are subsiding.
Pass out in front of some mindless Disney Channel pre-teen brain candy (do kids actually LIKE this stuff?)
Play on the beach - feeling good - no sunburn (not because I have good sunscreen technique - but because I have been inside in bed most of the trip).

Tomorrow is our last day.

I think I can make it, but Starbucks is waiting... only three floors down.

Church is boring

I was reading an article in Homelife by a guy that was in my college/youth group and he was talking about how men are leaving the church in throngs. His basic premise was that men are bored.

I agree with him to some degree. It is boring because it has become too feminine.

Do you ever watch kids play? What are the girls playing? In general they are practicing to be nurturing adults. They play house or they play with dolls. They want to be beautiful.

What do the boys play? All war games all the time. They want to be dangerous. They want to be brave. They live for blood and glory.

Church has become girly.

It is so uncomfortable (for a guy like me) to be in a worship service where some breathful sensitive guy is leading you to sing stuff like:
"I'm desperate for you.. I'm lost without you... you are the air I breathe"
"I love you with an undying love"
"I want to hear your voice, know you more, touch you, see your face"
"I neeeeeeed you"
"Jesus o Jesus you are beautiful"

I could go on and on.

Warriors do not say these kinds of things to their commanding officer.
Worship leaders are expecting warriors to become gushing girlies when they come to church... "OOOO Jesus.. you are sooo wonderful.. you are soooo beautiful."
This is not appropriate. (would Warf on StarTrek EVER tell his captain how beautiful he looks in that crisp red uniform?)

Guys are made to be warriors.
"As he died to make men holy, let us die to make men free...His truth is marching on"
"Onward Christian soldiers.. marching as to war..."
"A mighty fortress is our God.....and He will win the battle... one little word shall fail him (the devil)...."
"There is power in the blood..."
"Victory in Jesus..."

If I understand the story correctly, Jesus is coming back soon.

He is not coming back to cuddle or to listen to us tell him how wonderful and beautiful He is.

He is coming back as a conquering king.

There is going to be blood, sweat, gore, fighting, glory, honor. Extreme good versus extreme evil. An epic battle. A battle in which men will gladly lay down their lives.

There is going to be victory - and rewards.

Let's get past this mushy girly idea of who Jesus is and see him for what he claims to be.

Swords coming out of mouth and slaying thousands. A conqueror of death and hell.

A leader that is worthy to be followed into battle.

A conquering hero.

Lord of lords.

King of kings.

When the battle is over, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that he is the victor - the Lord of all.

The time that we spend on this earth is a battle. Its not a love in.

When the church realizes this truth and begins to equip warriors for battle (rather than asking them to tell another warrior how beautiful he is), the men will return.

New Blog

I created a new blog yesterday 'RCJAM Devotions' about the stuff we tell our kids about God.

I wanted to keep the good stuff all in one place - rather than intersperse it with my political rants and stupid stories.

Here is the link: RCJAM Devotions

My goal is to post 3 to 5 times a week.

Shotgun Healthcare

I just suffered the agony of paying some pretty hefty health care bills last month.

Fortunately, I have pretty good insurance, so the bulk was paid by the insurance company.

Interestingly, the amount of insurance premiums paid jointly by me and my employer is MORE than my total medical expenses for the past 12 months.

It occurred to me today that health insurance is really just a savings account - a savings account that loses money. Your statistics rich insurance company knows (on average) how much it is going to cost them to pay your bills. Double it, divide by 12, collect the monthly premium, and you have a business model.

If my employer would just pay me extra money instead of paying my health insurance premium I think we would both be better off. I could get some really cheap "major catastrophe" insurance and pocket the difference. When medical needs arise, I could either pay for or finance the costs - just like financing a car purchase (not that you should ever finance a car... but thats another subject). Having a baby? $150 per month for 36 months. Heart bypass? $450 per month for 60 months. If you don't pay, we repossess your heart (ok.. the system has a kink or two).

Charities and churches should handle the people that "fall through the cracks." I think it was Jesus himself who said something about "true religion" being taking care of widows and orphans.

What if I decide that I do not want to have health insurance AND I do not want to pay for my own medical bills? I have another alternative.

I could go to my nice neighbors and force them at gunpoint to "contribute" to my medical bills. I want them to feel like they are making a voluntary contribution rather than being robbed at gunpoint. Therefore, the choice of weapon is very important. What says "you are making a voluntary contribution" better? A cute little "Saturday night special" or a double barrel sawed off shotgun? Automatic weapons are definitely too bullyish... want to keep it simple. I just don't know... I am still working on this part of the theory.

Maybe a better idea is to appeal to my government. If I could only get congress and a willing McBama** to forcibly extract my neighbor's income under the threat of imprisonment... that would certainly feel more like a voluntary contribution than an armed robbery. Problem solved! None of my neighbors have to look down the barrel of a gun (unless they don't pay -but even then its a government gun and not my gun).

We can vote to take involuntary "contributions" from one American and then give the money that is "collected" to another (more deserving) American. Of course we can't present this idea as one group of Americans stealing from another group of Americans. We have to be a little less truthful than that. We have to make it sound more appealing.

How about "universal health care." That has a nice ring to it.





** President McBama - two candidates- two liberals - just different shades of brown.

Change you can believe in.

Have you ever been to Disney? I love Disney, but I get so sick of the "you have to believe in the dream" thing. The Magic Kingdom Princess show, the electric light parade... you just have to believe! I have never been real clear on what exactly you were supposed to believe in, but I know that you are supposed to believe with all your heart and your dream will come true. Just believe. Thats the gospel of Disney.

There is another character that is asking us to "just believe."

Believe in what?

Believe in change.

Believe what can be.

What will you change?

We're going to change the country.

I feel like I am going to pull my hair out listening to this guy. A great orator - but no substance. Just believe in the change!

I have no idea what he stands for or what kind of change he is advocating.

All change is not good.

This character seems to have a lot of Marxist (communist) friends and ties. Is THAT the change we are in for? He has the most liberal voting record in the senate - to the left of Ted Kennedy. Will his election be like Christmas morning for the extreme left socialists? I just don't know.

I must do some research. Find a tangible position.

From his web site:

"Obama believes the disparity between sentencing crack and powder-based cocaine is wrong and should be completely eliminated."

Finally, a change that I can believe in. Something of substance.... or should I say something involving a controlled substance....

I need to do some more research...

We are so proud

I heard that the "Atlanta Pride" festival was to be held at the AtlantaCivic center. There are so many things that Atlantans have to be proud of, I was sure this was going to be a huge event. There's the Braves, Georgia Tech, Coca Cola, Martin Luther King Junior, historic epics, architectural marvels, the arts, the theater, culinary delights, etc. It is a pretty long list.

As it turns out, this festival was about none of that.

What are we proud of? We are proud of what we do with our genitalia. Isn't that special?

We are so proud that there are people in our community that have sexual desires and sexual fantasies. We are so proud that there are people in our community that copulate without the bondage of a marriage contract. We are so proud that there are men in our community that put on dresses. We are proud that there are women in our community that look and act like men. We are very proud that there are people in our community that have had relations with both men and women. We are proud that we have men in our community that want everyone to know what they like to do with their genitalia. We are proud that these men have "come out" in the open to reveal to a breathless public what they do behind closed doors.

If I described to ANYone (except Lea Marshall) what I did with my wife this weekend, they would call me a pervert for talking about it public. We didn't even read Song of Solomon - I'm just talking about normal husband/wife relations. I would probably be fired from my job if I even joked about it with my students. If I talk about it in mixed company its harassment - and rightly so. No human should have to endure another human flaunting their sexuality.

Sexuality is a private thing between private people. It is right that most people keep it that way. When a person makes their sexuality a public spectacle, people are uncomfortable - they are harassed.

I felt extremely harassed for having to endure a week's worth of "pride" signage and imagery that is about nothing - except what people do with their private parts. I feel harassed for having to endure a week's worth images and language that are about nothing - except a person's sexual desires.

I felt harassed for being forced to view people in terms of their sexuality rather than in terms of their contributions to society. He's not just a scientist that cured cancer - he's GAY! Like the decisions he makes about what goes on in his underwear is the most important thing we should know about this person.

If you are LGBTorQ, I really don't want to hear about it. The only person that needs to know about your sexuality is your lover. My knowing where you like to put your private parts adds nothing to our relationship. I just want a good decorator. I really don't care what goes on in your bedroom. I just want to know that you know your way around a color wheel.

Then there was the parade. Let's march around downtown and let all our neighbors have a little peek inside our bedroom. Look neighbors! We're going to parade around in our underwear and tell you what we like to do with our private parts.

Isn't that special?

Aren't we so proud?

First Fruits

Our first veggies started trickling in this week. We planted peas, tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, green beans, watermelons, bell peppers, and cantaloupes.

The cucumbers were especially productive.

I am so proud of my children. They planted, weeded, watered, picked, and SOLD the cucumbers. They stood at a 4-way stop near our house and unloaded everything that they harvested. At fifty cents each, they almost earned enough to buy a Six-Flags ticket - that is why they are selling veggies.

When we have enough veggie proceeds, we are all going to go ride roller coasters!

This is my version of building self-esteem. They complete a hard task, reach a goal, and they feel good about themselves. They KNOW that they earned it. They know how to achieve a goal and they know that they could do it again.

In contrast, I believe that the kind of self-esteem building where everyone gets a trophy or a certificate for just showing up is pointless. I love the line from The Incredibles, (paraphrased) "if everyone is special, then no one is special." I think that rewards should be earned. Different kids are going to be good (or special) in different areas. It is OK that they didn't get the choir trophy this year (they never memorized the songs). When you reward a kid for something that they know that they did not accomplish, I think it has the unintended affect of actually lowering their self esteem. They know that they did not earn it and I believe that the message received is that "you are not capable actual accomplishment."

I want my children to learn to value discipline, hard work, and actual accomplishment. Things like selling the cucumbers provides them a vivid image of the fact that hard work results in money earned. They (hopefully) develop an understanding of how to get the things that they want (like a Six Flags ticket) and they (hopefully) develop a grateful heart because they come to understand that someone had to work hard for all the nice things that they have (or eat). They cherish the reward - they earned it. This is one of the reasons that I loved taking my boys to Jack Morris Karate in Tallahassee - he never gave them a belt that they did not earn. Their self esteem and confidence soared as they grunted and sweated to earn the prize.

Later that night I take a trip to Wal*Mart and I am confronted by a local baseball team that is raising money to go to the "World Series" (I have come to understand that there are lots of these "World Series" tournaments.. but that is another peeve for another blog). I pull out my wallet and I ask them what they were selling. (I always buy what the kids are selling because I know it takes a lot of guts to peddle Do-si-dos and Tagalongs to strangers. ) It turns out that they are selling nothing. They were just asking for money. Big strapping kids that I would gladly pay to come pick up sticks in my yard or wash my car. Their team mother has reduced them to beggars. That HAS to be damaging to their self esteem, I think to myself.

I put my wallet away. No lectures (I resist the urge), and I walk into Wal*Mart shaking my sad head.

The discipline of the car

Update: A couple of posting ago I talked about how a nice ride with Daddy may be an alternate form of disciple.

Evelyn informed me today that Matthew knocked one of his teeth loose today and screamed for about an hour. The car ride on the way to the dentist was what stopped his screaming.

I love it when theory is borne out by data.

Previous post: Tough Love Vs. Spankings

Picky Eaters II

"He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet." Proverbs 27:7 (NIV)

The gist I get when I read the modern (NIV) translation is this: when your tummy if full, even the yummiest thing that you could think of (honeycomb) is undesirable. UGH... no thank you. But when you are hungry, you will eat ANYthing - even food that you would normally consider to be yucky is a welcome treat.

This is an interesting observation by the Proverb writer. Maybe a child-rearing application. Ok...next Proverb.

That is about all I got from the NIV.

Then I switched to the 1611 "authorized" version* and I read:

"The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet." Proverbs 27:7 (KJV)

The gist that I get here is that a soul that is hungry is able to experience the sweetness of God's goodness even in life's bitterness (this is certainly our family's testimony this year). Romans
8:28 comes to mind.

I have found that when I read the Psalms and Proverbs in the KJV, the spiritual application is more readily apparent. It seems that "modern" versions naturalize the sayings. The verse is about physical hunger... or is it? I find myself doing more contemplating and thinking about the deeper meanings when I read the KJV (I am not ready to abandon my "modern" translations yet, but this is very interesting to me).

When I read the KJV here, I wonder what would make a soul full. I wonder if it is little and therefore not able to hold very much. I think about church people that can get full by just spending 20 minutes in God's Word once a week on Sunday morning.

I think about people that get antsy when the Bible study goes 5 minutes into overtime. Is the soul full? I think about people who argue over hymns versus drums. Is the soul so full that it cannot eat at the table of "strange food?" Is the music bitter because the soul is full?

I want to be hungry. I AM hungry. I never get enough to eat on Sunday mornings. I have had to learn to feed myself (is that a sign of growth?). There was one church that I attended during my single years where Sunday mornings was a feast. By the time you got through with an hour and a half Sunday School Bible study and a 40 to 60 minute sermon, you felt so bloated that you had to spend the rest of the afternoon walking it off. Then when 6:00 rolled around, you were delighted to be back at the trough - only to wallow off bloated again by 7:30 or 8:00. It was decadent. Except that there was one really mean Sunday School teacher...but even in her meanness, she spoke the truth. It was sometimes bitter - but it was always good. It was healthy.

I want to have a hungry soul for God. I do not want to be that picky eater that turns his nose up when God offers something bitter. Sometimes it is the bitter thing that makes us stronger or healthier. Sometimes the bitterness turns into a blessing. Our bitterness this year was the death of our baby girl. There is still grief that is triggered by random things. But, God has taken that bitterness and turned it into countless blessings. I will write that book someday.

We know now, more that ever, that words are the Psalmist are true. He makes all things beautiful in His time and His goodness endures forever.

God give me a hunger for everything on your table - both the bitter and the sweet.




* authorized by the king of England, not the King of kings. A little aside for my "KJV only" buddies.

Picky Eaters

The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. Proverbs 27:7

One of our former neighbors, a very wise woman with half a dozen kids, gave us some advice for dealing with our picky eater.

"Hunger is the best sauce," she would say.

We strive to provide our children a very low sugar and otherwise healthy diet. I don't know if its is good genetics, healthy eating, or just the grace of God, but we have only been to the doctor twice that I can remember. Thats in 10 years - for all five kids. We pray a lot and we feed them lots of apples and homemade nutrient rich whole wheat bread.

But what do you do with the kid that doesn't want to get with the program? We got the junk food out of the house (a recent guest was appalled at our lack of "snacks" in the pantry - she had to show her husband- "look at this... can you BELIEVE?" borderline child abuse).

We stopped snacking between meals (most days).

Still - a picky eater. In my mind, I am going to send him away hungry. Then he will be hungry enough to eat monkey brains at the next meal. ... but then I cave... I gave him my yummy homemade roll last night because that was all he was eating. I really wanted that roll - it was the last one, but he was so pitiful. I hope that held him over until breakfast. He didn't complain, but he had LOTS of watermelon for dessert.

He has gotten better over the years. He knows that he can't have anything except what is being served to the rest of the family, so he has (on occasion) ventured out and discovered a new thing or two that he could (would) eat.

We started on the little kids while they were too young to complain. They will eat anything - they never got to choose.

Maybe hunger is the best sauce.