My five year old is so yummy. You just want to snatch him up and give him a big squeeze. He has an infectious laugh and a little dimple that is so cute when he smiles his little mischievous smile. Everything is a big adventure. And he's so kind to his little sister - a great big brother.
Matthew is full of fun and mischief, but he has his limits on what he will take.
The other day, Mommy was in the process of disciplining him and she was trying to get the order of events straight. "now when you said ..... she said... then you did this and she did that....then she said and you said... etc." You know how it goes. You are trying to get to the root problem of the conflict.
Finally Matthew was DONE with the inquisition - he had had his limit of "he said, she said, she did, he did, then what happened..." A little brain can only take so much.
"I've had enough of this foolishness," he exclaimed - and he walks off.
Mommy is sitting there in stunned silence. It took her a second to realize that the "foolishness" that he was referring to was HER inquisition.
When she finally got her wits back, she tracked him down and confronted him.
"Were you talking about what *I* was saying," she asks?
His standard defense mechanism kicks in -
"I do not want to tell you."
When he is confronted with his bad behavior, he never lies - he just pleads the 5th.
"I do not want to tell you."
No admission of guilt, no untruth to worry about covering up later. A totally clear conscience.
No wonder he sleeps so good at night.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
First Fruits
Our first veggies started trickling in this week. We planted peas, tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, green beans, watermelons, bell peppers, and cantaloupes.
The cucumbers were especially productive.
I am so proud of my children. They planted, weeded, watered, picked, and SOLD the cucumbers. They stood at a 4-way stop near our house and unloaded everything that they harvested. At fifty cents each, they almost earned enough to buy a Six-Flags ticket - that is why they are selling veggies.
When we have enough veggie proceeds, we are all going to go ride roller coasters!
This is my version of building self-esteem. They complete a hard task, reach a goal, and they feel good about themselves. They KNOW that they earned it. They know how to achieve a goal and they know that they could do it again.
In contrast, I believe that the kind of self-esteem building where everyone gets a trophy or a certificate for just showing up is pointless. I love the line from The Incredibles, (paraphrased) "if everyone is special, then no one is special." I think that rewards should be earned. Different kids are going to be good (or special) in different areas. It is OK that they didn't get the choir trophy this year (they never memorized the songs). When you reward a kid for something that they know that they did not accomplish, I think it has the unintended affect of actually lowering their self esteem. They know that they did not earn it and I believe that the message received is that "you are not capable actual accomplishment."
I want my children to learn to value discipline, hard work, and actual accomplishment. Things like selling the cucumbers provides them a vivid image of the fact that hard work results in money earned. They (hopefully) develop an understanding of how to get the things that they want (like a Six Flags ticket) and they (hopefully) develop a grateful heart because they come to understand that someone had to work hard for all the nice things that they have (or eat). They cherish the reward - they earned it. This is one of the reasons that I loved taking my boys to Jack Morris Karate in Tallahassee - he never gave them a belt that they did not earn. Their self esteem and confidence soared as they grunted and sweated to earn the prize.
Later that night I take a trip to Wal*Mart and I am confronted by a local baseball team that is raising money to go to the "World Series" (I have come to understand that there are lots of these "World Series" tournaments.. but that is another peeve for another blog). I pull out my wallet and I ask them what they were selling. (I always buy what the kids are selling because I know it takes a lot of guts to peddle Do-si-dos and Tagalongs to strangers. ) It turns out that they are selling nothing. They were just asking for money. Big strapping kids that I would gladly pay to come pick up sticks in my yard or wash my car. Their team mother has reduced them to beggars. That HAS to be damaging to their self esteem, I think to myself.
I put my wallet away. No lectures (I resist the urge), and I walk into Wal*Mart shaking my sad head.
The cucumbers were especially productive.
I am so proud of my children. They planted, weeded, watered, picked, and SOLD the cucumbers. They stood at a 4-way stop near our house and unloaded everything that they harvested. At fifty cents each, they almost earned enough to buy a Six-Flags ticket - that is why they are selling veggies.
When we have enough veggie proceeds, we are all going to go ride roller coasters!
This is my version of building self-esteem. They complete a hard task, reach a goal, and they feel good about themselves. They KNOW that they earned it. They know how to achieve a goal and they know that they could do it again.
In contrast, I believe that the kind of self-esteem building where everyone gets a trophy or a certificate for just showing up is pointless. I love the line from The Incredibles, (paraphrased) "if everyone is special, then no one is special." I think that rewards should be earned. Different kids are going to be good (or special) in different areas. It is OK that they didn't get the choir trophy this year (they never memorized the songs). When you reward a kid for something that they know that they did not accomplish, I think it has the unintended affect of actually lowering their self esteem. They know that they did not earn it and I believe that the message received is that "you are not capable actual accomplishment."
I want my children to learn to value discipline, hard work, and actual accomplishment. Things like selling the cucumbers provides them a vivid image of the fact that hard work results in money earned. They (hopefully) develop an understanding of how to get the things that they want (like a Six Flags ticket) and they (hopefully) develop a grateful heart because they come to understand that someone had to work hard for all the nice things that they have (or eat). They cherish the reward - they earned it. This is one of the reasons that I loved taking my boys to Jack Morris Karate in Tallahassee - he never gave them a belt that they did not earn. Their self esteem and confidence soared as they grunted and sweated to earn the prize.
Later that night I take a trip to Wal*Mart and I am confronted by a local baseball team that is raising money to go to the "World Series" (I have come to understand that there are lots of these "World Series" tournaments.. but that is another peeve for another blog). I pull out my wallet and I ask them what they were selling. (I always buy what the kids are selling because I know it takes a lot of guts to peddle Do-si-dos and Tagalongs to strangers. ) It turns out that they are selling nothing. They were just asking for money. Big strapping kids that I would gladly pay to come pick up sticks in my yard or wash my car. Their team mother has reduced them to beggars. That HAS to be damaging to their self esteem, I think to myself.
I put my wallet away. No lectures (I resist the urge), and I walk into Wal*Mart shaking my sad head.
Monday, June 30, 2008
The discipline of the car
Update: A couple of posting ago I talked about how a nice ride with Daddy may be an alternate form of disciple.
Evelyn informed me today that Matthew knocked one of his teeth loose today and screamed for about an hour. The car ride on the way to the dentist was what stopped his screaming.
I love it when theory is borne out by data.
Previous post: Tough Love Vs. Spankings
Evelyn informed me today that Matthew knocked one of his teeth loose today and screamed for about an hour. The car ride on the way to the dentist was what stopped his screaming.
I love it when theory is borne out by data.
Previous post: Tough Love Vs. Spankings
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Picky Eaters II
"He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet." Proverbs 27:7 (NIV)
The gist I get when I read the modern (NIV) translation is this: when your tummy if full, even the yummiest thing that you could think of (honeycomb) is undesirable. UGH... no thank you. But when you are hungry, you will eat ANYthing - even food that you would normally consider to be yucky is a welcome treat.
This is an interesting observation by the Proverb writer. Maybe a child-rearing application. Ok...next Proverb.
That is about all I got from the NIV.
Then I switched to the 1611 "authorized" version* and I read:
"The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet." Proverbs 27:7 (KJV)
The gist that I get here is that a soul that is hungry is able to experience the sweetness of God's goodness even in life's bitterness (this is certainly our family's testimony this year). Romans
8:28 comes to mind.
I have found that when I read the Psalms and Proverbs in the KJV, the spiritual application is more readily apparent. It seems that "modern" versions naturalize the sayings. The verse is about physical hunger... or is it? I find myself doing more contemplating and thinking about the deeper meanings when I read the KJV (I am not ready to abandon my "modern" translations yet, but this is very interesting to me).
When I read the KJV here, I wonder what would make a soul full. I wonder if it is little and therefore not able to hold very much. I think about church people that can get full by just spending 20 minutes in God's Word once a week on Sunday morning.
I think about people that get antsy when the Bible study goes 5 minutes into overtime. Is the soul full? I think about people who argue over hymns versus drums. Is the soul so full that it cannot eat at the table of "strange food?" Is the music bitter because the soul is full?
I want to be hungry. I AM hungry. I never get enough to eat on Sunday mornings. I have had to learn to feed myself (is that a sign of growth?). There was one church that I attended during my single years where Sunday mornings was a feast. By the time you got through with an hour and a half Sunday School Bible study and a 40 to 60 minute sermon, you felt so bloated that you had to spend the rest of the afternoon walking it off. Then when 6:00 rolled around, you were delighted to be back at the trough - only to wallow off bloated again by 7:30 or 8:00. It was decadent. Except that there was one really mean Sunday School teacher...but even in her meanness, she spoke the truth. It was sometimes bitter - but it was always good. It was healthy.
I want to have a hungry soul for God. I do not want to be that picky eater that turns his nose up when God offers something bitter. Sometimes it is the bitter thing that makes us stronger or healthier. Sometimes the bitterness turns into a blessing. Our bitterness this year was the death of our baby girl. There is still grief that is triggered by random things. But, God has taken that bitterness and turned it into countless blessings. I will write that book someday.
We know now, more that ever, that words are the Psalmist are true. He makes all things beautiful in His time and His goodness endures forever.
God give me a hunger for everything on your table - both the bitter and the sweet.
* authorized by the king of England, not the King of kings. A little aside for my "KJV only" buddies.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Picky Eaters
The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. Proverbs 27:7
One of our former neighbors, a very wise woman with half a dozen kids, gave us some advice for dealing with our picky eater.
"Hunger is the best sauce," she would say.
We strive to provide our children a very low sugar and otherwise healthy diet. I don't know if its is good genetics, healthy eating, or just the grace of God, but we have only been to the doctor twice that I can remember. Thats in 10 years - for all five kids. We pray a lot and we feed them lots of apples and homemade nutrient rich whole wheat bread.
But what do you do with the kid that doesn't want to get with the program? We got the junk food out of the house (a recent guest was appalled at our lack of "snacks" in the pantry - she had to show her husband- "look at this... can you BELIEVE?" borderline child abuse).
We stopped snacking between meals (most days).
Still - a picky eater. In my mind, I am going to send him away hungry. Then he will be hungry enough to eat monkey brains at the next meal. ... but then I cave... I gave him my yummy homemade roll last night because that was all he was eating. I really wanted that roll - it was the last one, but he was so pitiful. I hope that held him over until breakfast. He didn't complain, but he had LOTS of watermelon for dessert.
He has gotten better over the years. He knows that he can't have anything except what is being served to the rest of the family, so he has (on occasion) ventured out and discovered a new thing or two that he could (would) eat.
We started on the little kids while they were too young to complain. They will eat anything - they never got to choose.
Maybe hunger is the best sauce.
One of our former neighbors, a very wise woman with half a dozen kids, gave us some advice for dealing with our picky eater.
"Hunger is the best sauce," she would say.
We strive to provide our children a very low sugar and otherwise healthy diet. I don't know if its is good genetics, healthy eating, or just the grace of God, but we have only been to the doctor twice that I can remember. Thats in 10 years - for all five kids. We pray a lot and we feed them lots of apples and homemade nutrient rich whole wheat bread.
But what do you do with the kid that doesn't want to get with the program? We got the junk food out of the house (a recent guest was appalled at our lack of "snacks" in the pantry - she had to show her husband- "look at this... can you BELIEVE?" borderline child abuse).
We stopped snacking between meals (most days).
Still - a picky eater. In my mind, I am going to send him away hungry. Then he will be hungry enough to eat monkey brains at the next meal. ... but then I cave... I gave him my yummy homemade roll last night because that was all he was eating. I really wanted that roll - it was the last one, but he was so pitiful. I hope that held him over until breakfast. He didn't complain, but he had LOTS of watermelon for dessert.
He has gotten better over the years. He knows that he can't have anything except what is being served to the rest of the family, so he has (on occasion) ventured out and discovered a new thing or two that he could (would) eat.
We started on the little kids while they were too young to complain. They will eat anything - they never got to choose.
Maybe hunger is the best sauce.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tough love versus spankings
Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have "those moments."
One that I have found effective is for me to just take the child for a ride in the car and talk
Some say it is the vibration from the car, others say it is the time away from distractions such as TV, video games, computer, IPod, etc.
Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.
I have included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique
Check the speed!
I think this will work with grandchildren, nephews, and nieces as well.
**my dad sent this to me.... source unknown.
One that I have found effective is for me to just take the child for a ride in the car and talk
Some say it is the vibration from the car, others say it is the time away from distractions such as TV, video games, computer, IPod, etc.
Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.
I have included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique
Check the speed!
I think this will work with grandchildren, nephews, and nieces as well.
**my dad sent this to me.... source unknown.
Friday, June 20, 2008
She needs her Daddy
I saw this story about some young girls that made a pact to get pregnant. Its really amazing.
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html?fark
I wonder how many of them have a good relationship with their father. If I were betting, I would guess zero.
Girls with good relationships with their Daddy do not have an emotional need to go out and get pregnant or to even go out and let some boy "love on them."
I think that a healthy relationship with Daddy will go a long way towards helping girls (and boys) stay out of all kinds of trouble.
Children (and adult children) crave acceptance. What better gift can you give a child than the love of a father.
Isn't that we are all looking for ultimately? Isn't that the message of the gospels?
Your Heavenly Father loves you and he wants to be with you. He would give anything, even his own life, for the sake of his children.
I wish that these girls had that kind of Daddy.
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html?fark
I wonder how many of them have a good relationship with their father. If I were betting, I would guess zero.
Girls with good relationships with their Daddy do not have an emotional need to go out and get pregnant or to even go out and let some boy "love on them."
I think that a healthy relationship with Daddy will go a long way towards helping girls (and boys) stay out of all kinds of trouble.
Children (and adult children) crave acceptance. What better gift can you give a child than the love of a father.
Isn't that we are all looking for ultimately? Isn't that the message of the gospels?
Your Heavenly Father loves you and he wants to be with you. He would give anything, even his own life, for the sake of his children.
I wish that these girls had that kind of Daddy.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Amendment
Every family has rules.
We have certain expectations of our children and we seek to continually reinforce those expectations.
But, some things you just can't anticipate. You have those moments when you realize that you have never in your life dreamed that you would use that particular combination of words in the same sentence.
This weekend our girls were playing with beads and making all kinds of wonderful creations. They have the beads that you put on strings and another kind of beads that you put on a grid in a pretty pattern then use Mommy's iron to make all the pretty beads stick together. I think that the girls get more use out of Mommy's iron than she does... but that's a painful story for later...
Anyway... our precious girls and their cousin spend the morning making delightful creations by melting the plastic beads with Mommie's hot iron. All is well...until the 3 year old has the bright idea that these beads are just the right size for cramming up her nose. How fun is that? You put several beads up your nose, show your friends....get a nice laugh.. and then out they come... right? You can imagine the fun.
Then the screaming starts.
Mommy can't get it. I get a call in my basement lair, "Dr. Marchman... you are needed in surgery." I don't think people "get it" that a PhD is not the same as an MD... but I practice on my own kids anyway... just to add to the confusion in their minds... maybe Dad IS a doctor....
She is laid out on the bathroom counter. The bead is WAAAAY up her nose. Tweezers. Too big. Think..... something small and tweezer like... back down to the basement lair.... tiny tools for working on tiny electronics...that should work.....doesn't work. Think.. think think...
MacGyver mode kicks in.... what do we have? We have a tooth pic, a hair pin, a pair of pliers and some dental floss. If I can just turn it around with the tooth pick...so I can see the hole in the bead...we can fish it out....SREEEEEEAAAM. Let me know if anything hurts sweetheart.......
she is actually VERY calm... except when I poke at the bead with a toothpick.
Bend the hairpins into tiny tweezers.... that should work....four different designs.... all failures. The infant snot sucker... doesn't work. Manual snot sucker (me sucking on her nose) YECH... does not work...
We need more light (and I need to clear my palate) ... down to the master bath.... bright surgical lights....mommy holds her head... toothpick (with the flat "handle" end) works this time. The object is rotated...
HOLY COW!!!! Its not a bead!!!
I can see clearly how to get it out, but we do not have the tool we need.
Back down to the basement lair....with the tweezers.....grinder on... sparks flying...must make just the right shape (sorry... they will never pluck eyebrows again)....
... back up to surgery... with just the right tool....
Slowly... slowly... SCREEEEEEEEEEAM... slowly...
GOT IT!
Giggling..."thank you Daddy."
Go put it in the gun and shoot it.
Its a live cap for the boy's cap gun.
So now we have a new rule, an amendment to the Marchman constitution, a new parental expectation:
Do not put any explosive device in your nose or in your sister's nose.
(the last part is preemptive... just in case the boys get any ideas... you said not in MY nose...)
Rule making is a constant battle of wits.
Seriously though, we are striving to train these children not to follow rules, but to follow the rule giver. When they are little, the rule giver is Daddy (or Mommy). We expect (but do not always get) instant, first time obedience. Appropriate discipline comes after the first command, not the second, third, fourth, or a screaming 10th time I told you....(this is our philosophy... not our perfect practice).
As they grow older, we hope to shift their desire to please their father to a desire to please their Heavenly Father. If they will follow Him with all of their hearts, minds, soul, and strength, the rules will take care of themselves and maybe (hopefully) they will develop the wisdom to keep explosive devices out of their nose.
We have certain expectations of our children and we seek to continually reinforce those expectations.
But, some things you just can't anticipate. You have those moments when you realize that you have never in your life dreamed that you would use that particular combination of words in the same sentence.
This weekend our girls were playing with beads and making all kinds of wonderful creations. They have the beads that you put on strings and another kind of beads that you put on a grid in a pretty pattern then use Mommy's iron to make all the pretty beads stick together. I think that the girls get more use out of Mommy's iron than she does... but that's a painful story for later...
Anyway... our precious girls and their cousin spend the morning making delightful creations by melting the plastic beads with Mommie's hot iron. All is well...until the 3 year old has the bright idea that these beads are just the right size for cramming up her nose. How fun is that? You put several beads up your nose, show your friends....get a nice laugh.. and then out they come... right? You can imagine the fun.
Then the screaming starts.
Mommy can't get it. I get a call in my basement lair, "Dr. Marchman... you are needed in surgery." I don't think people "get it" that a PhD is not the same as an MD... but I practice on my own kids anyway... just to add to the confusion in their minds... maybe Dad IS a doctor....
She is laid out on the bathroom counter. The bead is WAAAAY up her nose. Tweezers. Too big. Think..... something small and tweezer like... back down to the basement lair.... tiny tools for working on tiny electronics...that should work.....doesn't work. Think.. think think...
MacGyver mode kicks in.... what do we have? We have a tooth pic, a hair pin, a pair of pliers and some dental floss. If I can just turn it around with the tooth pick...so I can see the hole in the bead...we can fish it out....SREEEEEEAAAM. Let me know if anything hurts sweetheart.......
she is actually VERY calm... except when I poke at the bead with a toothpick.
Bend the hairpins into tiny tweezers.... that should work....four different designs.... all failures. The infant snot sucker... doesn't work. Manual snot sucker (me sucking on her nose) YECH... does not work...
We need more light (and I need to clear my palate) ... down to the master bath.... bright surgical lights....mommy holds her head... toothpick (with the flat "handle" end) works this time. The object is rotated...
HOLY COW!!!! Its not a bead!!!
I can see clearly how to get it out, but we do not have the tool we need.
Back down to the basement lair....with the tweezers.....grinder on... sparks flying...must make just the right shape (sorry... they will never pluck eyebrows again)....
... back up to surgery... with just the right tool....
Slowly... slowly... SCREEEEEEEEEEAM... slowly...
GOT IT!
Giggling..."thank you Daddy."
Go put it in the gun and shoot it.
Its a live cap for the boy's cap gun.
So now we have a new rule, an amendment to the Marchman constitution, a new parental expectation:
Do not put any explosive device in your nose or in your sister's nose.
(the last part is preemptive... just in case the boys get any ideas... you said not in MY nose...)
Rule making is a constant battle of wits.
Seriously though, we are striving to train these children not to follow rules, but to follow the rule giver. When they are little, the rule giver is Daddy (or Mommy). We expect (but do not always get) instant, first time obedience. Appropriate discipline comes after the first command, not the second, third, fourth, or a screaming 10th time I told you....(this is our philosophy... not our perfect practice).
As they grow older, we hope to shift their desire to please their father to a desire to please their Heavenly Father. If they will follow Him with all of their hearts, minds, soul, and strength, the rules will take care of themselves and maybe (hopefully) they will develop the wisdom to keep explosive devices out of their nose.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Its All Good
During good times and bad times, my wife will often respond to "how are you doing?" with "its all good."
Sometimes I think she is lying. I can see it in her eyes.
The pastor at church today gave an illustration from Romans 8:28 today. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."
He talked about how he LOVES chocolate cake. He went on and on about the wonders and beauty of chocolate cake.
Then he had a table set up with lots of ingredients - flour, sugar, eggs, etc. There were 10 ingredients in his cake recipe. Eight of the ingredients were putrid when eaten by themselves: the raw eggs, the flour, the baking soda, vegetable oil, the coco (or is that cocoa?)... you just could not stand to eat these things. The butter is ok, but it is not all that appealing. Sugar is pretty tasty by itself.
I was not paying super close attention to the direction of the sermon, so I was prepared to yawn at another illustration on diversity and how different people with different backgrounds and gifts can come together to make something wonderful in the body of Christ. How nice.
That was not his point. His point really blew me away and it spoke to me on a very deep level.
Earlier he had asked if we really believe that ALL things work together for good for the believer. How about cancer? miscarriage? divorce? sickness? losing a job? ... yes.. yes...yes.. of course they do... I noted mentally (as it turns out, I had the right answer).
How about our sin? How about the times we disappoint God? Does that work for good in the believer? well... maybe... but not THAT sin... not MY vice(s). That's something bad. In fact, that is something that is hindering God's work. If I could just stop being such a jerk and if I could just dispatch of my personal vices, God's good... maybe God's better or best... could be accomplished in my life.
ALL things.
The wonderfully amazing chocolate cake - the chef's best - is accomplished by using 8 bad things, 1 not so good thing, and only one really good thing. The master chef can take a lot of putrid ingredients and by his skill and knowledge create something heavenly.
How much MORE can God (the master, creator, and sustainer of the entire universe) take all of our putridness, a little mediocrity, and very tiny amount of good and create something heavenly.
I struggle with this.
How can God use MY ingredients?
Does he KNOW me?
He DOES know me. He can and will (continue to) use me.
He is the Master Chef.
When He is done... it is GOOD.
My wife is not lying when she says "its all good," she just has a long term perspective. She has God's perspective.
I am glad she sees me through God's eyes.
Its all good.
Sometimes I think she is lying. I can see it in her eyes.
The pastor at church today gave an illustration from Romans 8:28 today. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."
He talked about how he LOVES chocolate cake. He went on and on about the wonders and beauty of chocolate cake.
Then he had a table set up with lots of ingredients - flour, sugar, eggs, etc. There were 10 ingredients in his cake recipe. Eight of the ingredients were putrid when eaten by themselves: the raw eggs, the flour, the baking soda, vegetable oil, the coco (or is that cocoa?)... you just could not stand to eat these things. The butter is ok, but it is not all that appealing. Sugar is pretty tasty by itself.
I was not paying super close attention to the direction of the sermon, so I was prepared to yawn at another illustration on diversity and how different people with different backgrounds and gifts can come together to make something wonderful in the body of Christ. How nice.
That was not his point. His point really blew me away and it spoke to me on a very deep level.
Earlier he had asked if we really believe that ALL things work together for good for the believer. How about cancer? miscarriage? divorce? sickness? losing a job? ... yes.. yes...yes.. of course they do... I noted mentally (as it turns out, I had the right answer).
How about our sin? How about the times we disappoint God? Does that work for good in the believer? well... maybe... but not THAT sin... not MY vice(s). That's something bad. In fact, that is something that is hindering God's work. If I could just stop being such a jerk and if I could just dispatch of my personal vices, God's good... maybe God's better or best... could be accomplished in my life.
ALL things.
The wonderfully amazing chocolate cake - the chef's best - is accomplished by using 8 bad things, 1 not so good thing, and only one really good thing. The master chef can take a lot of putrid ingredients and by his skill and knowledge create something heavenly.
How much MORE can God (the master, creator, and sustainer of the entire universe) take all of our putridness, a little mediocrity, and very tiny amount of good and create something heavenly.
I struggle with this.
How can God use MY ingredients?
Does he KNOW me?
He DOES know me. He can and will (continue to) use me.
He is the Master Chef.
When He is done... it is GOOD.
My wife is not lying when she says "its all good," she just has a long term perspective. She has God's perspective.
I am glad she sees me through God's eyes.
Its all good.
Monday, June 2, 2008
A useful engine
Are you familiar with Thomas the Tank Engine? It is high praise for the mayor of the town to refer to one of the engines as a "useful engine." It is what all the engines aspire to.
I was reading Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest" this morning and as usual I was reading the wrong date in the daily devotional. I think it was May 18th or 19th that is talking about being used by God.
How do we best do God's work? The same way that creation best does God's work. It just is. The stars, the ocean, the sun, the moon, the delicate flower... they just are. And God is glorified.
In the same way, we just are. What we are pales in comparison to what we do or what we say. Much of what we do for God is done in our own strength for our own reasons. That doesn't glorify Him. It is only when we are in a right relationship with him that what we do and what we say has any eternal significance. In fact, when we are in a right relationship with God, EVERYTHING we do - even just being - is a testimony to God. We are doing his work every moment. Just as we ponder the stars in awe on a clear night, people will ponder us in awe when we are in a right relationship with Him. Hopefully the stargazer and the Barry-gazer will be pointed in the same direction - to their maker.
I heard on pastor express a similar concept: "It is your job to develop your message... and it is God's job to develop your ministry." Our message is developed by obedience - even when obedience does not make sense.
We can only be a truly useful engine in God's kingdom when we are totally submitted to Him.
I was reading Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest" this morning and as usual I was reading the wrong date in the daily devotional. I think it was May 18th or 19th that is talking about being used by God.
How do we best do God's work? The same way that creation best does God's work. It just is. The stars, the ocean, the sun, the moon, the delicate flower... they just are. And God is glorified.
In the same way, we just are. What we are pales in comparison to what we do or what we say. Much of what we do for God is done in our own strength for our own reasons. That doesn't glorify Him. It is only when we are in a right relationship with him that what we do and what we say has any eternal significance. In fact, when we are in a right relationship with God, EVERYTHING we do - even just being - is a testimony to God. We are doing his work every moment. Just as we ponder the stars in awe on a clear night, people will ponder us in awe when we are in a right relationship with Him. Hopefully the stargazer and the Barry-gazer will be pointed in the same direction - to their maker.
I heard on pastor express a similar concept: "It is your job to develop your message... and it is God's job to develop your ministry." Our message is developed by obedience - even when obedience does not make sense.
We can only be a truly useful engine in God's kingdom when we are totally submitted to Him.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The Boss
Mommy is busy at work preparing the next meal. Chloe jumps up on a stool near Mommy and says, "Mommy, I want to help you!." Mommy smiles and starts to give instruction, but she is interrupted by a glass pounding on the counter and the demand of her little cherub, "now give me some orange juice!"
We all have to be very careful with this little angel. She is so cute and smiley. Her requests are so innocent at first. You feel like a bad person if you don't comply. The three year old is hungry. Can't she have an apple? Of course she can. The three year old is thirsty, can't she have a glass of water? Of course. She "accidentally" spills water on her pretty outfit (that she didn't want to wear)... can she go change?
She is a born leader - the kind of leader that has all her minions in her orbit doing her bidding. It starts with a simple request, but then you find yourself being drawn into her complex game of spider and fly. Then... she strikes. Suddenly its YOUR idea to go get the outfit that she wanted to wear all along. And as if to rub her victory in your nose ... you get to help her change into it ("I can't button it," she says). She runs away laughing that infectious laugh. She is very good. We have to be very careful to funnel these skills into a positive direction. Otherwise she will have 6 Marchman minions all doing her bidding very soon.
Resistance is futile - you can't say no to her. But you must. I think that the key is not making eye contact.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Memorial Day
On Memorial Day, I always get choked up while telling the kids about the men that died to make us free. We talk about the Revolutionary War, the World Wars, and other recent wars. I cry every Memorial Day when I hang my flag. I can't even finish my tribute most Memorial days without blubbering like a baby. The tears flow out of a grateful heart for those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country. My heart aches for the families that never saw their loved one again.
Today we did something unusual. We visited a
As we browsed through the markers we found that some of the soldiers were killed in action (KIA) while others made it home and lived long lives. All of them are heroes.
Just the fact that someone would be honoring these soldiers 150 or so years after their death was very touching to me. Someone has a list of names. Every year, the people on this list are memorialized with a little flag. These people are not in any history book and most accomplished no great standing in life. They just defended their families in a cause for freedom and their families are still honoring them 150 years later. To me, that makes them a hero.
I challenged the kids today to live their lives in such a way that their families would still be honoring them 150 years after they died. I challenged myself also. One hundred and fifty years later... will they remember?
Jonathan (10) found a tombstone that had been knocked down and broken into three pieces. He gently and very respectfully put the chunky base back in its place. Then he very meticulously placed the other two pieces on top of the first piece. I lost it. I think I managed to squeak out through my lumpy throat and watery eyes, "that was very respectful, Jonathan."
We stopped at the cemetery out of curiosity on our way to somewhere else. I was surprised at how moving of an experience it turned out to be.
Will anyone remember me or consider me as hero 150 years from now? I know that every Daddy is a hero to his children. But to his children's children's children? Now that is something to aspire to.
Are the Confederate soldiers heroes? Some people may not consider the soldiers in a losing cause to be heroes, but they are.
They are heroes because they defended their families and loved ones against an invading army. Many of them did not even know what they were fighting for. They just knew an army was invading their land and frightening their wives and children. They fought to protect the ones they loved most.
The ones that did know what they were fighting for are heroes too. They were fighting to preserve their way of life. They were fighting against a central government that was over-reaching its power. They understood that a government that governs least governs best. They were fighting for the right to govern themselves at the state and local level. No one in
The situation was very similar to that in Revolutionary War times where a far away government was trying to dictate its will on a people without giving them a fair representation. But even if there was fair representation, the far away government was over extending its powers by trying to take powers reserved for the States (or the local governments) as their own.
The far away government succeeded and we are a weaker nation because of it. The level of government interference in the average American's life today is unprecedented in history.
The Confederate soldiers are heroes. Anyone who has fought to limit the powers of the Federal government is a hero of mine.
We honor their memory today.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Good War
Ok..so I haven't posted in a while. I have been blogging, but not "publishing." The stuff on Esther sounds so much like a UFO conspiracy theory ... I just can't put it out there yet.
Things are going well for our family. Jonathan is having is 10th birthday this week. Its hard to believe. We have a wonderful family of 9 staying with us this weekend so we have a ready made birthday party!
We played capture the flag - actually it was capture the shoe (we were hiding an old flip flop). The (10) kids had armor, swords, sticks, nerf guns, sling shots, and various other weapons. The rules were very complicated and often disputed. The criteria for injuries versus death versus having to go to prison were dizzying. After one especially grueling match (the last one of the day), Jonathan and I had just battled with our pvc pipes to the death (I died) while my team ran away with the flag.... the agony of defeat was heavy on Jonathan's face. After he caught his breath .... the way he smiled through his exhaustion and said "that was a good war, Dad" ... really touched me.
That's male bonding in a nutshell. You beat each other to a pulp... you get mad, get bloody, you scream and growl and say awful things in the heat of the battle... but then when its over... you leave the battle field arm in arm with the ties that bind a little bit stronger....
Girls don't get that.
God gets it.
That's why he tells wives to respect their husbands. Thats what we crave...more than love, faithfulness, clean laundry, or a home cooked meal. We want our wives to go "WOW... he is awesome."
Thats what the battle field bonding is about... earning our mutual respect - its what we live for. To hear those words.... "good war, buddy."
Things are going well for our family. Jonathan is having is 10th birthday this week. Its hard to believe. We have a wonderful family of 9 staying with us this weekend so we have a ready made birthday party!
We played capture the flag - actually it was capture the shoe (we were hiding an old flip flop). The (10) kids had armor, swords, sticks, nerf guns, sling shots, and various other weapons. The rules were very complicated and often disputed. The criteria for injuries versus death versus having to go to prison were dizzying. After one especially grueling match (the last one of the day), Jonathan and I had just battled with our pvc pipes to the death (I died) while my team ran away with the flag.... the agony of defeat was heavy on Jonathan's face. After he caught his breath .... the way he smiled through his exhaustion and said "that was a good war, Dad" ... really touched me.
That's male bonding in a nutshell. You beat each other to a pulp... you get mad, get bloody, you scream and growl and say awful things in the heat of the battle... but then when its over... you leave the battle field arm in arm with the ties that bind a little bit stronger....
Girls don't get that.
God gets it.
That's why he tells wives to respect their husbands. Thats what we crave...more than love, faithfulness, clean laundry, or a home cooked meal. We want our wives to go "WOW... he is awesome."
Thats what the battle field bonding is about... earning our mutual respect - its what we live for. To hear those words.... "good war, buddy."
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Divorce makes me so angry
Here is a short note to a brother:
"I was just thinking about you and I was praying for your family. I know that your wife is far from perfect, but I am praying for restoration anyway. I assume you were married in the Christian sense and not just the legal sense. If that is the case, you have desolved the contract, but the vow before God remains. Don't be guilty of perjuring yourself in God's court. Go back to your family. You are their protector. I pray that you will undo this great violence you have done to your wife and children."
In addition to violently abusing the wife to whom he has a Biblical mandate to protect, the children are also violently abused in the process.
The man that is married in the Christian sense is the covenent initiater. As such, he bears the full responsiblity to see that the covenent is fulfilled. Christian marriage is not a legal contract based on distrust of the other party (if you do this, I will do this... as long as I feel a certain way). It is not a legal contract that can be desolved at the whim of one party or the other. Christian marriage is a covenent relationship before God. God has a covenent with Isreal. They act like a bunch of goof balls. Yet God is faithful to His covenent even when the object of the covenent is unlovable and unloving. Marriage is a picture of God's covenent with us. The man is responsible for the integrity of the covenent.
The emotional abuse to the children in irrepairable. They will carry the rejection with them the rest of their life. No gift or "quality time" with dad can undo the damage a child suffers when daddy rejects mommy. If Daddy can stop loving Mommy, he can stop loving me too. Maybe he has already stopped loving me. Maybe that's why he left.
There is no greater gift you can give to your kids than to love their Mommy.
In addition to abusing your wife and children, the BODY OF CHRIST is damaged when you leave your family. How dare you sever the body in this way and then tell me "its none of your business." When the toe is bleeding, how can it say to the hands, "leave me alone.. this doesn't concern you." We are a body and we ALL feel the pain of this violence that has been inflicted upon the body.
In addition to abusing your spouse, your children, and the body of Christ, you are abusing your country and neglecting your patriotic duty to make the country strong. Our country is weaker every time the fabric of our society (the family) is torn apart. You are a traitor to your country.
But there is hope. You do not HAVE to be a child abuser and a wife abuser. You do not HAVE to inflict this damage to the body of Christ. You do not HAVE to be a traitor to your country. God knows that we are dust. He knows our flesh is weak. Turn back to your family. They desparately want you to come home. It will take a lot of hard work, but your children need you at home. Turn back to God. He is waiting for you like the father waiting for the prodigal son. The fatted calf is ready for the feast the moment you come home. Your country is counting on your children to be the strength of the next generation. Go home so that they can be strong.
I am praying desparately for the restoration of your marriage. So are your children.
But if you are determined to inflict this violence on your family and on society, I think it would be better if God took you home right away. Surely the pain of being a widow or an orphan is easier to bear than the pain of rejection. I pray that you will go home or that God will take you from this earth - for the sake of your children.
"I was just thinking about you and I was praying for your family. I know that your wife is far from perfect, but I am praying for restoration anyway. I assume you were married in the Christian sense and not just the legal sense. If that is the case, you have desolved the contract, but the vow before God remains. Don't be guilty of perjuring yourself in God's court. Go back to your family. You are their protector. I pray that you will undo this great violence you have done to your wife and children."
In addition to violently abusing the wife to whom he has a Biblical mandate to protect, the children are also violently abused in the process.
The man that is married in the Christian sense is the covenent initiater. As such, he bears the full responsiblity to see that the covenent is fulfilled. Christian marriage is not a legal contract based on distrust of the other party (if you do this, I will do this... as long as I feel a certain way). It is not a legal contract that can be desolved at the whim of one party or the other. Christian marriage is a covenent relationship before God. God has a covenent with Isreal. They act like a bunch of goof balls. Yet God is faithful to His covenent even when the object of the covenent is unlovable and unloving. Marriage is a picture of God's covenent with us. The man is responsible for the integrity of the covenent.
The emotional abuse to the children in irrepairable. They will carry the rejection with them the rest of their life. No gift or "quality time" with dad can undo the damage a child suffers when daddy rejects mommy. If Daddy can stop loving Mommy, he can stop loving me too. Maybe he has already stopped loving me. Maybe that's why he left.
There is no greater gift you can give to your kids than to love their Mommy.
In addition to abusing your wife and children, the BODY OF CHRIST is damaged when you leave your family. How dare you sever the body in this way and then tell me "its none of your business." When the toe is bleeding, how can it say to the hands, "leave me alone.. this doesn't concern you." We are a body and we ALL feel the pain of this violence that has been inflicted upon the body.
In addition to abusing your spouse, your children, and the body of Christ, you are abusing your country and neglecting your patriotic duty to make the country strong. Our country is weaker every time the fabric of our society (the family) is torn apart. You are a traitor to your country.
But there is hope. You do not HAVE to be a child abuser and a wife abuser. You do not HAVE to inflict this damage to the body of Christ. You do not HAVE to be a traitor to your country. God knows that we are dust. He knows our flesh is weak. Turn back to your family. They desparately want you to come home. It will take a lot of hard work, but your children need you at home. Turn back to God. He is waiting for you like the father waiting for the prodigal son. The fatted calf is ready for the feast the moment you come home. Your country is counting on your children to be the strength of the next generation. Go home so that they can be strong.
I am praying desparately for the restoration of your marriage. So are your children.
But if you are determined to inflict this violence on your family and on society, I think it would be better if God took you home right away. Surely the pain of being a widow or an orphan is easier to bear than the pain of rejection. I pray that you will go home or that God will take you from this earth - for the sake of your children.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Evelyn is Recovering Well
Evelyn told me last night that she is "back to normal." That is good because we have some sort of lesson or practice nearly every day starting this week.
It was nice to take a sabbatical from all things outside the home for a few months. I think the kids enjoyed it too.
It was nice to take a sabbatical from all things outside the home for a few months. I think the kids enjoyed it too.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Three Gifts
Perhaps the biggest epiphany we had during the Christmas season was that we could give them gifts at other times of the year.
It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I can buy stuff next month on sale and by then I may not want it anyway. I don't have to go out and get all the other kids one more stupid gift that they will never play with just because Jonathan has eight gifts and they only have seven.
What freedom! What euphoria! No more Christmas Eve shopping!
The number that we decided on was 3. Thats right. Just three things to open on Christmas morning. Thats 15 presents under the tree. Thats IT. No more.... well maybe something little in the stocking..... but thats IT.
One of the kids wanted a go-cart. Lets wait til' spring! Why spend all our $$$ in December? One kid wanted a transforming monster thingy that slimed. " Are you SURE thats in your top 3?" mu-hah-hah-hah (I laughed silently because I HATE those things....)
Another kid complains. "Only three gifts? awwww man."
"That's right. Three gifts. Baby Jesus only got three gifts. You think you are better than baby Jesus?"
The kids still got stuff from grandparents, cousins, and friends. Christmas was still a crap fest. You know what I mean. After all the dust settles, there is new crap (and a few nice things) everywhere. The kids made each other some very creative gifts out of toilet paper rolls, glue and string (if that helps you imagine what a crap fest looks like).
My hope is that as the years go by, our three gift policy will bring some sanity to the gift giving process and be a lasting tradition that helps us remember the extravagance of the Gift that was given to all of us.
It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I can buy stuff next month on sale and by then I may not want it anyway. I don't have to go out and get all the other kids one more stupid gift that they will never play with just because Jonathan has eight gifts and they only have seven.
What freedom! What euphoria! No more Christmas Eve shopping!
The number that we decided on was 3. Thats right. Just three things to open on Christmas morning. Thats 15 presents under the tree. Thats IT. No more.... well maybe something little in the stocking..... but thats IT.
One of the kids wanted a go-cart. Lets wait til' spring! Why spend all our $$$ in December? One kid wanted a transforming monster thingy that slimed. " Are you SURE thats in your top 3?" mu-hah-hah-hah (I laughed silently because I HATE those things....)
Another kid complains. "Only three gifts? awwww man."
"That's right. Three gifts. Baby Jesus only got three gifts. You think you are better than baby Jesus?"
The kids still got stuff from grandparents, cousins, and friends. Christmas was still a crap fest. You know what I mean. After all the dust settles, there is new crap (and a few nice things) everywhere. The kids made each other some very creative gifts out of toilet paper rolls, glue and string (if that helps you imagine what a crap fest looks like).
My hope is that as the years go by, our three gift policy will bring some sanity to the gift giving process and be a lasting tradition that helps us remember the extravagance of the Gift that was given to all of us.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
The storm surge
The calm eye of the storm passed as the final guest left the house.
It was so hard to leave Tallahassee. The funeral was only yesterday.
I loaded Evelyn and all the kids in the van and I went back into Howard and Shannon's house one more time. As I did the final sweep, I couldn't resist sitting at the beautiful piano. I played an old Dolly Parton / Whitney Houston song - "bittersweet... memories..." The words of the song were echoing in my mind... "I will always love you..." as I sat there under a portrait of Howard and his family.
I cried a few of tears thinking about my family. I thought about my grandmothers and other relatives who could welcome my baby Grace into heaven. They could tell her stories about her daddy when he was a little baby like her. Then they could tell her stories about "little boy Barry." That would be sweet.
Then I thought about Howard. Howard is there too. Howard left a wife, a little girl and a baby girl.
As I looked at Howard's portrait, I just wished with all of my heart that he could be there with my relatives to welcome baby Grace into heaven.
Something about him having a little girl to hold and my little girl having a daddy to hold her... something about that just really got to me. I sat at the piano and cried buckets and buckets of tears. After all our family had been through, I finally had my weeping and wailing moment there in the privacy of Howard's living room.
I hoped Howard would hug Grace and tell her that he was a friend of her daddy. I hoped he would sit her on his knee and tell her stories about her daddy coming over to the house and playing the guitar and leading Bible studies. "I sat in your Daddy's Sunday School class and we argued about what the Bible meant." Now Howard knows who (if either of us) was right. I will have to wait.
Howard could tell Grace all kinds of stories about her mommy too. They grew up together. He could tell Grace what a beautiful, kind, godly woman her mother was.
I hoped Howard would also tell Grace all the stories that he never got to tell his little girls.
I cried some more. Bucketfuls. More wailing and weeping. I don't know if it was for Howard or for Grace, but I loved them both.
As I close the door for the final time, Whitney and Dolly are in my head... I will always love you ooooo I uh I.... will always love you....
It was so hard to leave Tallahassee. The funeral was only yesterday.
I loaded Evelyn and all the kids in the van and I went back into Howard and Shannon's house one more time. As I did the final sweep, I couldn't resist sitting at the beautiful piano. I played an old Dolly Parton / Whitney Houston song - "bittersweet... memories..." The words of the song were echoing in my mind... "I will always love you..." as I sat there under a portrait of Howard and his family.
I cried a few of tears thinking about my family. I thought about my grandmothers and other relatives who could welcome my baby Grace into heaven. They could tell her stories about her daddy when he was a little baby like her. Then they could tell her stories about "little boy Barry." That would be sweet.
Then I thought about Howard. Howard is there too. Howard left a wife, a little girl and a baby girl.
As I looked at Howard's portrait, I just wished with all of my heart that he could be there with my relatives to welcome baby Grace into heaven.
Something about him having a little girl to hold and my little girl having a daddy to hold her... something about that just really got to me. I sat at the piano and cried buckets and buckets of tears. After all our family had been through, I finally had my weeping and wailing moment there in the privacy of Howard's living room.
I hoped Howard would hug Grace and tell her that he was a friend of her daddy. I hoped he would sit her on his knee and tell her stories about her daddy coming over to the house and playing the guitar and leading Bible studies. "I sat in your Daddy's Sunday School class and we argued about what the Bible meant." Now Howard knows who (if either of us) was right. I will have to wait.
Howard could tell Grace all kinds of stories about her mommy too. They grew up together. He could tell Grace what a beautiful, kind, godly woman her mother was.
I hoped Howard would also tell Grace all the stories that he never got to tell his little girls.
I cried some more. Bucketfuls. More wailing and weeping. I don't know if it was for Howard or for Grace, but I loved them both.
As I close the door for the final time, Whitney and Dolly are in my head... I will always love you ooooo I uh I.... will always love you....
God's Grace
A Service For Grace Marchman
Welcome: Rev. Marty Smith
Song: Lisa Mitchel, Come to Jesus
Testimony: Barry Marchman (Father)
We knew the storm was coming. It was as if we could hear the distant rumblings and see the lightning flashing across the horizon. We knew it could be bad.
Like the leper in the Gospels crying out to Jesus, we cried, “God if you are willing, you can deliver us from this storm!” We hoped he would say, as he said to the leper, “I am willing.”
He did not.
As the weeks went on, the clouds got thicker and more ominous with each visit to the doctor. At first it was just a cleft lip and palate, then a whole host of problems. The storm was definitely coming.
We thought of Jesus praying in the garden the night before his crucifixion. His storm was coming. “God, if there is any other way, please let this cup pass from us.”
He did not.
“Yet not what I will, but thy will be done.”
The storm was coming. When we moved to
He did not.
The doctor suggested that we terminate the pregnancy.
We did not.
We felt that it would be a much harder pain than the pain we now bear. We felt the most God honoring “choice” was to give her every chance at life. What if she was one of the 2% that could survive? We had to give her a chance.
The storm was coming.
We thought of Paul as he was being tormented. He cried out to God, “Please remove this thorn in the flesh.”
He did not.
“My grace is sufficient for thee, Paul.”
“My grace is sufficient for thee, Barry, Evelyn.”
“My grace is sufficient for thee.”
One more ultrasound. The storm clouds darkened. The rumblings grew louder as the dreaded day came. We still prayed… “God if you are willing…”
My grace is sufficient for thee.
“God you can heal her.”
My grace is sufficient for thee.
When the storm hit, it came crashing like a category 5 hurricane.
Evelyn’s water broke a little after midnight on Christmas Eve. Her contractions were close together. It was time to go. The neighbor did not answer her phone. We made another call, then another. The 20-year old son of one of our dear friends was just down the road. We had to leave. I woke up Jonathan (9) and told him to wait by the door until Michael got there. We were scared to leave, but we HAD to go. Jonathan was brave. As we were pulling out of the driveway, Michael arrived. Jonathan did not have to be brave and we did not have to worry. God’s grace was sufficient for us.
The cord was cut and Grace did not cry. She had no heartbeat and she was not breathing. She was given CPR and she finally responded. She was stabilized and taken to the newborn ICU. The doctors confirmed what we had seen in the ultrasounds. Her body was not able to function on its own. The storm was raging, but God’s grace was sufficient for us.
Evelyn’s heart’s desire was to be able to hold her baby – if only for a few minutes. Her desire was met abundantly more than she could imagine. All five children and one set of grand parents were able to meet little Grace. The children were allowed to spend as much time as they wished loving on her – they rubbed her little head, poked her little toes and talked so sweetly to her.
After they left, we had a photographer come and take pictures of us holding Grace. We knew that we did not have much time. Just as the umbilical cord shrivels at birth, there is also a passage in the heart that shrivels at birth. The doctor had told us that when this passage was closed, that no amount of oxygen could sustain her. This little passage was doing the job of her missing artery and allowing her a few precious hours of life.
After the pictures, Evelyn and I went back to our room with Grace and held her and cuddled her as her heart beat got slower and slower. We were so thrilled that she could respond to our voices and to our touch. We showered her with our kisses and our tears. As we held her, the storm raged. God had given us Grace and his grace was sufficient for us.
The doctor come in one more time and listened for a heart beat. Silence. Grace had slipped away. The storm was raging, it was tearing at our hearts, but God’s grace was sufficient for us.
We held her for quite a while, but soon realized that our little girl was not with us. We squeezed and held her broken earth suit as if she were still in it ---- but of course she was not. It was like the many times that I have found a little one-zee in a drawer and picked it up and squeezed it as if one of our babies were still it - letting the happy memories bask over me while holding the empty shell. It was the same way with Grace. We held her empty shell and wept. We clung to each other – and to grace - and we finally gave our little girl to the nurse to take away. But really she had already flown away. The storm in our heart was intense and painful. We took comfort in the fact that her Grandmother Joyce, Grandmother Brown, Grandmother Marchman, Grandmother Kitty, Pappa and so many others were there to greet her and welcome her in to the arms of Jesus. She was now God’s Grace.
As we gather together today, we are in the calm eye of the storm. The joy and peace of being surrounded by those that love and care for us gives us great comfort. Thank you so much for your presence today. Your outpouring of love means so much to us. Thank you. We feel your love and we are blessed to have such wonderful family and friends. One of the worst parts about moving from
We are so blessed to be a part of the body of Christ where total strangers to us – people we have only known for six weeks or so have taken such good care of us. As soon as we moved, we met several families – all in the same Sunday School class that have walked this same path. It was a miraculous coincidence – the hand of God moving in and around our lives. He continues express His grace to us through this precious group of believers. In first John, we are told that we can identify the true Christians by their love for one another. We were so pleased to report that the body of Christ – the sweet love and fellowship between believers - can be found outside our precious circle of friends here. Our God is a big God and we have found that he can love you where you are. His grace finds you - and it is sufficient.
We are not angry at God. Quite the opposite is true. Our faith has been strengthened through this trial. We have been overwhelmed by his grace and the love of his children each step of the way.
We know that this is just the eye of the storm. In the days ahead, there will be more grief...and more grace.
We covet your prayers for our family.
We take comfort in these passages:
Is 55: Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace:
1 Samuel 3:18 (Eli says upon hearing that his sons would die): “He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes.”
Rom 8:28 All things work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose
Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Psalm 16:11 You have made known to me the path of life. You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Others…..
Thank your for being here today to celebrate with us the life of our little Grace.
Our faith and our peace is that
From this day and forever more she will be.... God’s Grace.
Song: Lisa Mitchel (softly)
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin.
Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
Yonder on
There where the blood of the Lamb was spilled.
Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin.
Thank you Lisa
Lisa did such a great job singing at Grace's service.
Chris Rice - Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus) Lyrics
Chris Rice - Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus) Lyrics
Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!
Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!
And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!
Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!
O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!
And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!
RCJAM
Welcome to RCJAM & Friends.
"RC JAM" is an acronym for my children's names. Rachel, Chloe, Jonathan, Andrew, & Matthew. Their birth order, JARMC, does not have the same ring to it.
However, if you separate the girls from boys and then put the girls first, it IS their birth order. It is a useful anagram in that sense, but it is kind of confusing.
When we had JAR, Evelyn wanted to name the next one Stephen, then Ozzy (actually we had trouble picking an O), then F-something, then a boy named Clay.. JARS OF Clay. I did not want to get stuck on JARSO, (or have a girl with the unfortunate name of "Clay") so we just picked names that we liked and RCJAM emerged.
It is also our band name.
My mother, wife and one friend in Tallahassee have been encouraging me to start a blog. Since they will be the only readers, this blog is dedicated to them.
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