First Fruits

Our first veggies started trickling in this week. We planted peas, tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, green beans, watermelons, bell peppers, and cantaloupes.

The cucumbers were especially productive.

I am so proud of my children. They planted, weeded, watered, picked, and SOLD the cucumbers. They stood at a 4-way stop near our house and unloaded everything that they harvested. At fifty cents each, they almost earned enough to buy a Six-Flags ticket - that is why they are selling veggies.

When we have enough veggie proceeds, we are all going to go ride roller coasters!

This is my version of building self-esteem. They complete a hard task, reach a goal, and they feel good about themselves. They KNOW that they earned it. They know how to achieve a goal and they know that they could do it again.

In contrast, I believe that the kind of self-esteem building where everyone gets a trophy or a certificate for just showing up is pointless. I love the line from The Incredibles, (paraphrased) "if everyone is special, then no one is special." I think that rewards should be earned. Different kids are going to be good (or special) in different areas. It is OK that they didn't get the choir trophy this year (they never memorized the songs). When you reward a kid for something that they know that they did not accomplish, I think it has the unintended affect of actually lowering their self esteem. They know that they did not earn it and I believe that the message received is that "you are not capable actual accomplishment."

I want my children to learn to value discipline, hard work, and actual accomplishment. Things like selling the cucumbers provides them a vivid image of the fact that hard work results in money earned. They (hopefully) develop an understanding of how to get the things that they want (like a Six Flags ticket) and they (hopefully) develop a grateful heart because they come to understand that someone had to work hard for all the nice things that they have (or eat). They cherish the reward - they earned it. This is one of the reasons that I loved taking my boys to Jack Morris Karate in Tallahassee - he never gave them a belt that they did not earn. Their self esteem and confidence soared as they grunted and sweated to earn the prize.

Later that night I take a trip to Wal*Mart and I am confronted by a local baseball team that is raising money to go to the "World Series" (I have come to understand that there are lots of these "World Series" tournaments.. but that is another peeve for another blog). I pull out my wallet and I ask them what they were selling. (I always buy what the kids are selling because I know it takes a lot of guts to peddle Do-si-dos and Tagalongs to strangers. ) It turns out that they are selling nothing. They were just asking for money. Big strapping kids that I would gladly pay to come pick up sticks in my yard or wash my car. Their team mother has reduced them to beggars. That HAS to be damaging to their self esteem, I think to myself.

I put my wallet away. No lectures (I resist the urge), and I walk into Wal*Mart shaking my sad head.