I heard that the "Atlanta Pride" festival was to be held at the AtlantaCivic center. There are so many things that Atlantans have to be proud of, I was sure this was going to be a huge event. There's the Braves, Georgia Tech, Coca Cola, Martin Luther King Junior, historic epics, architectural marvels, the arts, the theater, culinary delights, etc. It is a pretty long list.
As it turns out, this festival was about none of that.
What are we proud of? We are proud of what we do with our genitalia. Isn't that special?
We are so proud that there are people in our community that have sexual desires and sexual fantasies. We are so proud that there are people in our community that copulate without the bondage of a marriage contract. We are so proud that there are men in our community that put on dresses. We are proud that there are women in our community that look and act like men. We are very proud that there are people in our community that have had relations with both men and women. We are proud that we have men in our community that want everyone to know what they like to do with their genitalia. We are proud that these men have "come out" in the open to reveal to a breathless public what they do behind closed doors.
If I described to ANYone (except Lea Marshall) what I did with my wife this weekend, they would call me a pervert for talking about it public. We didn't even read Song of Solomon - I'm just talking about normal husband/wife relations. I would probably be fired from my job if I even joked about it with my students. If I talk about it in mixed company its harassment - and rightly so. No human should have to endure another human flaunting their sexuality.
Sexuality is a private thing between private people. It is right that most people keep it that way. When a person makes their sexuality a public spectacle, people are uncomfortable - they are harassed.
I felt extremely harassed for having to endure a week's worth of "pride" signage and imagery that is about nothing - except what people do with their private parts. I feel harassed for having to endure a week's worth images and language that are about nothing - except a person's sexual desires.
I felt harassed for being forced to view people in terms of their sexuality rather than in terms of their contributions to society. He's not just a scientist that cured cancer - he's GAY! Like the decisions he makes about what goes on in his underwear is the most important thing we should know about this person.
If you are LGBTorQ, I really don't want to hear about it. The only person that needs to know about your sexuality is your lover. My knowing where you like to put your private parts adds nothing to our relationship. I just want a good decorator. I really don't care what goes on in your bedroom. I just want to know that you know your way around a color wheel.
Then there was the parade. Let's march around downtown and let all our neighbors have a little peek inside our bedroom. Look neighbors! We're going to parade around in our underwear and tell you what we like to do with our private parts.
Isn't that special?
Aren't we so proud?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
First Fruits
Our first veggies started trickling in this week. We planted peas, tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, green beans, watermelons, bell peppers, and cantaloupes.
The cucumbers were especially productive.
I am so proud of my children. They planted, weeded, watered, picked, and SOLD the cucumbers. They stood at a 4-way stop near our house and unloaded everything that they harvested. At fifty cents each, they almost earned enough to buy a Six-Flags ticket - that is why they are selling veggies.
When we have enough veggie proceeds, we are all going to go ride roller coasters!
This is my version of building self-esteem. They complete a hard task, reach a goal, and they feel good about themselves. They KNOW that they earned it. They know how to achieve a goal and they know that they could do it again.
In contrast, I believe that the kind of self-esteem building where everyone gets a trophy or a certificate for just showing up is pointless. I love the line from The Incredibles, (paraphrased) "if everyone is special, then no one is special." I think that rewards should be earned. Different kids are going to be good (or special) in different areas. It is OK that they didn't get the choir trophy this year (they never memorized the songs). When you reward a kid for something that they know that they did not accomplish, I think it has the unintended affect of actually lowering their self esteem. They know that they did not earn it and I believe that the message received is that "you are not capable actual accomplishment."
I want my children to learn to value discipline, hard work, and actual accomplishment. Things like selling the cucumbers provides them a vivid image of the fact that hard work results in money earned. They (hopefully) develop an understanding of how to get the things that they want (like a Six Flags ticket) and they (hopefully) develop a grateful heart because they come to understand that someone had to work hard for all the nice things that they have (or eat). They cherish the reward - they earned it. This is one of the reasons that I loved taking my boys to Jack Morris Karate in Tallahassee - he never gave them a belt that they did not earn. Their self esteem and confidence soared as they grunted and sweated to earn the prize.
Later that night I take a trip to Wal*Mart and I am confronted by a local baseball team that is raising money to go to the "World Series" (I have come to understand that there are lots of these "World Series" tournaments.. but that is another peeve for another blog). I pull out my wallet and I ask them what they were selling. (I always buy what the kids are selling because I know it takes a lot of guts to peddle Do-si-dos and Tagalongs to strangers. ) It turns out that they are selling nothing. They were just asking for money. Big strapping kids that I would gladly pay to come pick up sticks in my yard or wash my car. Their team mother has reduced them to beggars. That HAS to be damaging to their self esteem, I think to myself.
I put my wallet away. No lectures (I resist the urge), and I walk into Wal*Mart shaking my sad head.
The cucumbers were especially productive.
I am so proud of my children. They planted, weeded, watered, picked, and SOLD the cucumbers. They stood at a 4-way stop near our house and unloaded everything that they harvested. At fifty cents each, they almost earned enough to buy a Six-Flags ticket - that is why they are selling veggies.
When we have enough veggie proceeds, we are all going to go ride roller coasters!
This is my version of building self-esteem. They complete a hard task, reach a goal, and they feel good about themselves. They KNOW that they earned it. They know how to achieve a goal and they know that they could do it again.
In contrast, I believe that the kind of self-esteem building where everyone gets a trophy or a certificate for just showing up is pointless. I love the line from The Incredibles, (paraphrased) "if everyone is special, then no one is special." I think that rewards should be earned. Different kids are going to be good (or special) in different areas. It is OK that they didn't get the choir trophy this year (they never memorized the songs). When you reward a kid for something that they know that they did not accomplish, I think it has the unintended affect of actually lowering their self esteem. They know that they did not earn it and I believe that the message received is that "you are not capable actual accomplishment."
I want my children to learn to value discipline, hard work, and actual accomplishment. Things like selling the cucumbers provides them a vivid image of the fact that hard work results in money earned. They (hopefully) develop an understanding of how to get the things that they want (like a Six Flags ticket) and they (hopefully) develop a grateful heart because they come to understand that someone had to work hard for all the nice things that they have (or eat). They cherish the reward - they earned it. This is one of the reasons that I loved taking my boys to Jack Morris Karate in Tallahassee - he never gave them a belt that they did not earn. Their self esteem and confidence soared as they grunted and sweated to earn the prize.
Later that night I take a trip to Wal*Mart and I am confronted by a local baseball team that is raising money to go to the "World Series" (I have come to understand that there are lots of these "World Series" tournaments.. but that is another peeve for another blog). I pull out my wallet and I ask them what they were selling. (I always buy what the kids are selling because I know it takes a lot of guts to peddle Do-si-dos and Tagalongs to strangers. ) It turns out that they are selling nothing. They were just asking for money. Big strapping kids that I would gladly pay to come pick up sticks in my yard or wash my car. Their team mother has reduced them to beggars. That HAS to be damaging to their self esteem, I think to myself.
I put my wallet away. No lectures (I resist the urge), and I walk into Wal*Mart shaking my sad head.
Monday, June 30, 2008
The discipline of the car
Update: A couple of posting ago I talked about how a nice ride with Daddy may be an alternate form of disciple.
Evelyn informed me today that Matthew knocked one of his teeth loose today and screamed for about an hour. The car ride on the way to the dentist was what stopped his screaming.
I love it when theory is borne out by data.
Previous post: Tough Love Vs. Spankings
Evelyn informed me today that Matthew knocked one of his teeth loose today and screamed for about an hour. The car ride on the way to the dentist was what stopped his screaming.
I love it when theory is borne out by data.
Previous post: Tough Love Vs. Spankings
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Picky Eaters II
"He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet." Proverbs 27:7 (NIV)
The gist I get when I read the modern (NIV) translation is this: when your tummy if full, even the yummiest thing that you could think of (honeycomb) is undesirable. UGH... no thank you. But when you are hungry, you will eat ANYthing - even food that you would normally consider to be yucky is a welcome treat.
This is an interesting observation by the Proverb writer. Maybe a child-rearing application. Ok...next Proverb.
That is about all I got from the NIV.
Then I switched to the 1611 "authorized" version* and I read:
"The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet." Proverbs 27:7 (KJV)
The gist that I get here is that a soul that is hungry is able to experience the sweetness of God's goodness even in life's bitterness (this is certainly our family's testimony this year). Romans
8:28 comes to mind.
I have found that when I read the Psalms and Proverbs in the KJV, the spiritual application is more readily apparent. It seems that "modern" versions naturalize the sayings. The verse is about physical hunger... or is it? I find myself doing more contemplating and thinking about the deeper meanings when I read the KJV (I am not ready to abandon my "modern" translations yet, but this is very interesting to me).
When I read the KJV here, I wonder what would make a soul full. I wonder if it is little and therefore not able to hold very much. I think about church people that can get full by just spending 20 minutes in God's Word once a week on Sunday morning.
I think about people that get antsy when the Bible study goes 5 minutes into overtime. Is the soul full? I think about people who argue over hymns versus drums. Is the soul so full that it cannot eat at the table of "strange food?" Is the music bitter because the soul is full?
I want to be hungry. I AM hungry. I never get enough to eat on Sunday mornings. I have had to learn to feed myself (is that a sign of growth?). There was one church that I attended during my single years where Sunday mornings was a feast. By the time you got through with an hour and a half Sunday School Bible study and a 40 to 60 minute sermon, you felt so bloated that you had to spend the rest of the afternoon walking it off. Then when 6:00 rolled around, you were delighted to be back at the trough - only to wallow off bloated again by 7:30 or 8:00. It was decadent. Except that there was one really mean Sunday School teacher...but even in her meanness, she spoke the truth. It was sometimes bitter - but it was always good. It was healthy.
I want to have a hungry soul for God. I do not want to be that picky eater that turns his nose up when God offers something bitter. Sometimes it is the bitter thing that makes us stronger or healthier. Sometimes the bitterness turns into a blessing. Our bitterness this year was the death of our baby girl. There is still grief that is triggered by random things. But, God has taken that bitterness and turned it into countless blessings. I will write that book someday.
We know now, more that ever, that words are the Psalmist are true. He makes all things beautiful in His time and His goodness endures forever.
God give me a hunger for everything on your table - both the bitter and the sweet.
* authorized by the king of England, not the King of kings. A little aside for my "KJV only" buddies.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Picky Eaters
The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. Proverbs 27:7
One of our former neighbors, a very wise woman with half a dozen kids, gave us some advice for dealing with our picky eater.
"Hunger is the best sauce," she would say.
We strive to provide our children a very low sugar and otherwise healthy diet. I don't know if its is good genetics, healthy eating, or just the grace of God, but we have only been to the doctor twice that I can remember. Thats in 10 years - for all five kids. We pray a lot and we feed them lots of apples and homemade nutrient rich whole wheat bread.
But what do you do with the kid that doesn't want to get with the program? We got the junk food out of the house (a recent guest was appalled at our lack of "snacks" in the pantry - she had to show her husband- "look at this... can you BELIEVE?" borderline child abuse).
We stopped snacking between meals (most days).
Still - a picky eater. In my mind, I am going to send him away hungry. Then he will be hungry enough to eat monkey brains at the next meal. ... but then I cave... I gave him my yummy homemade roll last night because that was all he was eating. I really wanted that roll - it was the last one, but he was so pitiful. I hope that held him over until breakfast. He didn't complain, but he had LOTS of watermelon for dessert.
He has gotten better over the years. He knows that he can't have anything except what is being served to the rest of the family, so he has (on occasion) ventured out and discovered a new thing or two that he could (would) eat.
We started on the little kids while they were too young to complain. They will eat anything - they never got to choose.
Maybe hunger is the best sauce.
One of our former neighbors, a very wise woman with half a dozen kids, gave us some advice for dealing with our picky eater.
"Hunger is the best sauce," she would say.
We strive to provide our children a very low sugar and otherwise healthy diet. I don't know if its is good genetics, healthy eating, or just the grace of God, but we have only been to the doctor twice that I can remember. Thats in 10 years - for all five kids. We pray a lot and we feed them lots of apples and homemade nutrient rich whole wheat bread.
But what do you do with the kid that doesn't want to get with the program? We got the junk food out of the house (a recent guest was appalled at our lack of "snacks" in the pantry - she had to show her husband- "look at this... can you BELIEVE?" borderline child abuse).
We stopped snacking between meals (most days).
Still - a picky eater. In my mind, I am going to send him away hungry. Then he will be hungry enough to eat monkey brains at the next meal. ... but then I cave... I gave him my yummy homemade roll last night because that was all he was eating. I really wanted that roll - it was the last one, but he was so pitiful. I hope that held him over until breakfast. He didn't complain, but he had LOTS of watermelon for dessert.
He has gotten better over the years. He knows that he can't have anything except what is being served to the rest of the family, so he has (on occasion) ventured out and discovered a new thing or two that he could (would) eat.
We started on the little kids while they were too young to complain. They will eat anything - they never got to choose.
Maybe hunger is the best sauce.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tough love versus spankings
Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have "those moments."
One that I have found effective is for me to just take the child for a ride in the car and talk
Some say it is the vibration from the car, others say it is the time away from distractions such as TV, video games, computer, IPod, etc.
Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.
I have included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique
Check the speed!
I think this will work with grandchildren, nephews, and nieces as well.
**my dad sent this to me.... source unknown.
One that I have found effective is for me to just take the child for a ride in the car and talk
Some say it is the vibration from the car, others say it is the time away from distractions such as TV, video games, computer, IPod, etc.
Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.
I have included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique
Check the speed!
I think this will work with grandchildren, nephews, and nieces as well.
**my dad sent this to me.... source unknown.
Friday, June 20, 2008
She needs her Daddy
I saw this story about some young girls that made a pact to get pregnant. Its really amazing.
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html?fark
I wonder how many of them have a good relationship with their father. If I were betting, I would guess zero.
Girls with good relationships with their Daddy do not have an emotional need to go out and get pregnant or to even go out and let some boy "love on them."
I think that a healthy relationship with Daddy will go a long way towards helping girls (and boys) stay out of all kinds of trouble.
Children (and adult children) crave acceptance. What better gift can you give a child than the love of a father.
Isn't that we are all looking for ultimately? Isn't that the message of the gospels?
Your Heavenly Father loves you and he wants to be with you. He would give anything, even his own life, for the sake of his children.
I wish that these girls had that kind of Daddy.
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html?fark
I wonder how many of them have a good relationship with their father. If I were betting, I would guess zero.
Girls with good relationships with their Daddy do not have an emotional need to go out and get pregnant or to even go out and let some boy "love on them."
I think that a healthy relationship with Daddy will go a long way towards helping girls (and boys) stay out of all kinds of trouble.
Children (and adult children) crave acceptance. What better gift can you give a child than the love of a father.
Isn't that we are all looking for ultimately? Isn't that the message of the gospels?
Your Heavenly Father loves you and he wants to be with you. He would give anything, even his own life, for the sake of his children.
I wish that these girls had that kind of Daddy.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Meaningless
I read Ecclesiastics this morning. "meaningless, meaningless... everything under the sun is meaningless..."
Bottom Line: Eat, drink, and enjoy your work. Finding satisfaction in your work is a blessing from God. Do good to others. Fear God and keep His commandments - this is our whole duty.
Wisdom: meaningless (but better than foolishness)
Foolishness: meaningless
Poverty: meaningless
Wealth: meaningless
Toil: meaningless
Advancement: meaningless
Hedonistic pleasure: meaningless (The American Dream (my dream) is meaningless? I am sure this is correct, but I feel the need to do my own research here. I'm thinking a 7 day cruise to who cares where...leave the kids at home...bring the wife of course...would be VERY meaningful at this point in my life. Perhaps I missed something in the Hebrew context. Maybe there is verb tense that ALL the English translators have missed. A misplace jot?)
So everything under the sun (even the beach) is meaningless.
One Jewish source that I have read summarized the book as follows (paraphrase):
Everything under the sun is meaningless, therefore we should put all our efforts towards that which is above the sun.
I kind of like that. An eternal perspective - because all of these things that we worry about will burn.
Our temporal life is but a vapor. What are we doing with this vapor that that will be of eternal benefit?
Bottom Line: Eat, drink, and enjoy your work. Finding satisfaction in your work is a blessing from God. Do good to others. Fear God and keep His commandments - this is our whole duty.
Wisdom: meaningless (but better than foolishness)
Foolishness: meaningless
Poverty: meaningless
Wealth: meaningless
Toil: meaningless
Advancement: meaningless
Hedonistic pleasure: meaningless (The American Dream (my dream) is meaningless? I am sure this is correct, but I feel the need to do my own research here. I'm thinking a 7 day cruise to who cares where...leave the kids at home...bring the wife of course...would be VERY meaningful at this point in my life. Perhaps I missed something in the Hebrew context. Maybe there is verb tense that ALL the English translators have missed. A misplace jot?)
So everything under the sun (even the beach) is meaningless.
One Jewish source that I have read summarized the book as follows (paraphrase):
Everything under the sun is meaningless, therefore we should put all our efforts towards that which is above the sun.
I kind of like that. An eternal perspective - because all of these things that we worry about will burn.
Our temporal life is but a vapor. What are we doing with this vapor that that will be of eternal benefit?
Monday, June 16, 2008
Freedom!
I am a HUGE Dave Ramsey fan. I make my Ga Tech students read his material. Last Friday I was listening to his show. Friday is the day that people call in and scream "WE'RE DEBT FREE!" Some of them are lying though - they still have a house payment. A house payment doesn't count as debt on freedom Friday. That's fine with me. I am waiting to call the show myself.
I have vertical bars (a bar graph) on my white board that represent our debts. When we first moved we had some credit card bills (moving expenses) that took a few months to clear. Then we had some medical bills that took a few months to clear.
Now I am looking at my bars... most of them have gone away.
We have a house payment. I wish we didn't. Maybe we won't in a few years.
We have a student loan.
That's it.
Dave doesn't like the student loan.
I want to call Dave and scream "We're debt free except the house and the student loan but thats ok because my savings account is paying three times the interest that the student loan costs."
1.8%.
Would a rational person pay off a 1.8% loan? The math just doesn't work out for the rational person. The rational person puts all their spare cash into a "sinking fund" and then uses the interest on this sinking fund to pay off the student loan. It turns out that you only have to put a little more than half what you owe into savings and then let compound interest do its magic. You still have your savings account when you are done because the interest on the savings account has been enough to pay the loan.
The rational person balks at Dave's advice.
What about the spiritual person?
Would a spiritual person pay off a 1.8% loan?
A spiritual person owes no debt but a debt of love. A spiritual person does not become servant to a lender after they have been set free from their bondage of sin and death. A spiritual person does not go in to debt at all because that is presuming upon the future. A spiritual person believes that God will provide in supernatural ways if he will stay out of debt....
... but on the other hand... the spiritual person is a good steward of God's resources. If super cheap debt is available for a constructive purpose, does the spiritual person pass on the opportunity? Does the good steward pay off cheap debt when they would be better off by keeping their cash and letting it work harder than 1.8% (tax free) for them?
Perhaps our family should have bought a mobile home for cash and paid off all student loans and then saved up for a house before we bought it.... maybe God would have blessed us in ways that we could not even imagine.
... or maybe God gives us wisdom and the ability to do math so that we can make good decisions and not just roboticly follow the over-simplified systems of popular financial advisers.
I want to be the spiritual person...I really do want to be that guy... but my rational brain is telling me that walking in the spirit is a little more complicated than following Dave's baby steps. But the heart (our thinker) is deceitful and wicked...
What do you think?
Is Dave right? Is ALL debt dumb?
I have vertical bars (a bar graph) on my white board that represent our debts. When we first moved we had some credit card bills (moving expenses) that took a few months to clear. Then we had some medical bills that took a few months to clear.
Now I am looking at my bars... most of them have gone away.
We have a house payment. I wish we didn't. Maybe we won't in a few years.
We have a student loan.
That's it.
Dave doesn't like the student loan.
I want to call Dave and scream "We're debt free except the house and the student loan but thats ok because my savings account is paying three times the interest that the student loan costs."
1.8%.
Would a rational person pay off a 1.8% loan? The math just doesn't work out for the rational person. The rational person puts all their spare cash into a "sinking fund" and then uses the interest on this sinking fund to pay off the student loan. It turns out that you only have to put a little more than half what you owe into savings and then let compound interest do its magic. You still have your savings account when you are done because the interest on the savings account has been enough to pay the loan.
The rational person balks at Dave's advice.
What about the spiritual person?
Would a spiritual person pay off a 1.8% loan?
A spiritual person owes no debt but a debt of love. A spiritual person does not become servant to a lender after they have been set free from their bondage of sin and death. A spiritual person does not go in to debt at all because that is presuming upon the future. A spiritual person believes that God will provide in supernatural ways if he will stay out of debt....
... but on the other hand... the spiritual person is a good steward of God's resources. If super cheap debt is available for a constructive purpose, does the spiritual person pass on the opportunity? Does the good steward pay off cheap debt when they would be better off by keeping their cash and letting it work harder than 1.8% (tax free) for them?
Perhaps our family should have bought a mobile home for cash and paid off all student loans and then saved up for a house before we bought it.... maybe God would have blessed us in ways that we could not even imagine.
... or maybe God gives us wisdom and the ability to do math so that we can make good decisions and not just roboticly follow the over-simplified systems of popular financial advisers.
I want to be the spiritual person...I really do want to be that guy... but my rational brain is telling me that walking in the spirit is a little more complicated than following Dave's baby steps. But the heart (our thinker) is deceitful and wicked...
What do you think?
Is Dave right? Is ALL debt dumb?
Amendment
Every family has rules.
We have certain expectations of our children and we seek to continually reinforce those expectations.
But, some things you just can't anticipate. You have those moments when you realize that you have never in your life dreamed that you would use that particular combination of words in the same sentence.
This weekend our girls were playing with beads and making all kinds of wonderful creations. They have the beads that you put on strings and another kind of beads that you put on a grid in a pretty pattern then use Mommy's iron to make all the pretty beads stick together. I think that the girls get more use out of Mommy's iron than she does... but that's a painful story for later...
Anyway... our precious girls and their cousin spend the morning making delightful creations by melting the plastic beads with Mommie's hot iron. All is well...until the 3 year old has the bright idea that these beads are just the right size for cramming up her nose. How fun is that? You put several beads up your nose, show your friends....get a nice laugh.. and then out they come... right? You can imagine the fun.
Then the screaming starts.
Mommy can't get it. I get a call in my basement lair, "Dr. Marchman... you are needed in surgery." I don't think people "get it" that a PhD is not the same as an MD... but I practice on my own kids anyway... just to add to the confusion in their minds... maybe Dad IS a doctor....
She is laid out on the bathroom counter. The bead is WAAAAY up her nose. Tweezers. Too big. Think..... something small and tweezer like... back down to the basement lair.... tiny tools for working on tiny electronics...that should work.....doesn't work. Think.. think think...
MacGyver mode kicks in.... what do we have? We have a tooth pic, a hair pin, a pair of pliers and some dental floss. If I can just turn it around with the tooth pick...so I can see the hole in the bead...we can fish it out....SREEEEEEAAAM. Let me know if anything hurts sweetheart.......
she is actually VERY calm... except when I poke at the bead with a toothpick.
Bend the hairpins into tiny tweezers.... that should work....four different designs.... all failures. The infant snot sucker... doesn't work. Manual snot sucker (me sucking on her nose) YECH... does not work...
We need more light (and I need to clear my palate) ... down to the master bath.... bright surgical lights....mommy holds her head... toothpick (with the flat "handle" end) works this time. The object is rotated...
HOLY COW!!!! Its not a bead!!!
I can see clearly how to get it out, but we do not have the tool we need.
Back down to the basement lair....with the tweezers.....grinder on... sparks flying...must make just the right shape (sorry... they will never pluck eyebrows again)....
... back up to surgery... with just the right tool....
Slowly... slowly... SCREEEEEEEEEEAM... slowly...
GOT IT!
Giggling..."thank you Daddy."
Go put it in the gun and shoot it.
Its a live cap for the boy's cap gun.
So now we have a new rule, an amendment to the Marchman constitution, a new parental expectation:
Do not put any explosive device in your nose or in your sister's nose.
(the last part is preemptive... just in case the boys get any ideas... you said not in MY nose...)
Rule making is a constant battle of wits.
Seriously though, we are striving to train these children not to follow rules, but to follow the rule giver. When they are little, the rule giver is Daddy (or Mommy). We expect (but do not always get) instant, first time obedience. Appropriate discipline comes after the first command, not the second, third, fourth, or a screaming 10th time I told you....(this is our philosophy... not our perfect practice).
As they grow older, we hope to shift their desire to please their father to a desire to please their Heavenly Father. If they will follow Him with all of their hearts, minds, soul, and strength, the rules will take care of themselves and maybe (hopefully) they will develop the wisdom to keep explosive devices out of their nose.
We have certain expectations of our children and we seek to continually reinforce those expectations.
But, some things you just can't anticipate. You have those moments when you realize that you have never in your life dreamed that you would use that particular combination of words in the same sentence.
This weekend our girls were playing with beads and making all kinds of wonderful creations. They have the beads that you put on strings and another kind of beads that you put on a grid in a pretty pattern then use Mommy's iron to make all the pretty beads stick together. I think that the girls get more use out of Mommy's iron than she does... but that's a painful story for later...
Anyway... our precious girls and their cousin spend the morning making delightful creations by melting the plastic beads with Mommie's hot iron. All is well...until the 3 year old has the bright idea that these beads are just the right size for cramming up her nose. How fun is that? You put several beads up your nose, show your friends....get a nice laugh.. and then out they come... right? You can imagine the fun.
Then the screaming starts.
Mommy can't get it. I get a call in my basement lair, "Dr. Marchman... you are needed in surgery." I don't think people "get it" that a PhD is not the same as an MD... but I practice on my own kids anyway... just to add to the confusion in their minds... maybe Dad IS a doctor....
She is laid out on the bathroom counter. The bead is WAAAAY up her nose. Tweezers. Too big. Think..... something small and tweezer like... back down to the basement lair.... tiny tools for working on tiny electronics...that should work.....doesn't work. Think.. think think...
MacGyver mode kicks in.... what do we have? We have a tooth pic, a hair pin, a pair of pliers and some dental floss. If I can just turn it around with the tooth pick...so I can see the hole in the bead...we can fish it out....SREEEEEEAAAM. Let me know if anything hurts sweetheart.......
she is actually VERY calm... except when I poke at the bead with a toothpick.
Bend the hairpins into tiny tweezers.... that should work....four different designs.... all failures. The infant snot sucker... doesn't work. Manual snot sucker (me sucking on her nose) YECH... does not work...
We need more light (and I need to clear my palate) ... down to the master bath.... bright surgical lights....mommy holds her head... toothpick (with the flat "handle" end) works this time. The object is rotated...
HOLY COW!!!! Its not a bead!!!
I can see clearly how to get it out, but we do not have the tool we need.
Back down to the basement lair....with the tweezers.....grinder on... sparks flying...must make just the right shape (sorry... they will never pluck eyebrows again)....
... back up to surgery... with just the right tool....
Slowly... slowly... SCREEEEEEEEEEAM... slowly...
GOT IT!
Giggling..."thank you Daddy."
Go put it in the gun and shoot it.
Its a live cap for the boy's cap gun.
So now we have a new rule, an amendment to the Marchman constitution, a new parental expectation:
Do not put any explosive device in your nose or in your sister's nose.
(the last part is preemptive... just in case the boys get any ideas... you said not in MY nose...)
Rule making is a constant battle of wits.
Seriously though, we are striving to train these children not to follow rules, but to follow the rule giver. When they are little, the rule giver is Daddy (or Mommy). We expect (but do not always get) instant, first time obedience. Appropriate discipline comes after the first command, not the second, third, fourth, or a screaming 10th time I told you....(this is our philosophy... not our perfect practice).
As they grow older, we hope to shift their desire to please their father to a desire to please their Heavenly Father. If they will follow Him with all of their hearts, minds, soul, and strength, the rules will take care of themselves and maybe (hopefully) they will develop the wisdom to keep explosive devices out of their nose.
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